10 experts offer guidance in getting back up when you’re down
As busy people with spouses, kids, jobs, responsibilities, we’re all bound to fall into a funk from time-to-time–a phase when we feel dejected, overwhelmed, ungrateful, unappreciated or just plain blah, sometimes for no good reason. So what can we do about it? Ride it out? Throw up our hands? Yell at our kids? Kick the dog? Drown our sorrows?
What to do?
I presented that question to 10 people I consider spiritually grounded, wise, virtuous, and generally upbeat; while at the same time, in touch with the real world, including priests, parents, a religious sister, and a psychologist.
Here is a compilation of their advice for curing a funk.
10 Ways to Get Out of a Funk
Move your alarm clock across the room and set it to go off 30 minutes earlier. “Invite God into your morning routine more intentionally. Read the daily Mass readings over coffee, download inspiring talks on an iPod and get out for a morning walk or run, and pray with and bless your spouse and children before leaving. Leave the house earlier and visit the adoration chapel on the way to work.”
–Mark Hart, the “Bible Geek,” VP of Life Teen, author, speaker, husband, father of three girls
“If you’re in a funk, go to a funky soup kitchen. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking less often of yourself.”
–Fr. David Nix, St. Anthony Parish Sterling, CO, Bike for the Unborn coordinator
“Nothing cures a funk like prayer. Prayer is the funk-cure, it gets you out of your head. It also helps me to talk to good friends who, like the Lord, love me enough to tell me to snap myself back into reality! Ever hear the song “Stuck in the Moment” by U2? Great song for a funk.”
–Chris Stefanick, author, speaker, director of youth outreach for YDisciple, husband, father of six (up from five as of last week)
“Go for a walk and focus on the wonder of God’s creation; pray your way around the nearest park looking for small miracles. Make a pilgrimage to a church you’ve wanted to visit, have a date night with your spouse, make cookies with your kids. Even a slight diversion can help you see your surroundings with new eyes and appreciate them with a new heart.”
–Fr. Bob Fisher, Colorado State Knights of Columbus chaplain, pastor All Souls Parish, Englewood, CO
“Sometimes we become overwhelmed by too many activities, expectations and goals. Underneath our frenetic busyness is a hidden desire to be the perfect parent, perfect friend, the perfect me. When we don’t succeed, we get down on ourselves. When we accept ourselves as human and let go of the impossible effort to be perfect we begin to see ourselves the way God does. We discover we are loved not for what we achieve, but simply for who we are.”
–Sr. Kathleen Harmon, SNDdeN, PhD, liturgy expert and music director at Institute for Liturgical Ministry Dayton, OH
“Spend time with a close friend. Though we don’t know the details, we do know that heaven is all about union with God and the communion of saints. We are relational beings! It’s worth the time and energy to develop intimate friendships with those who share our faith and values.”
–Elizabeth Walker, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, wife, mother of five
“I often get out of a funk by recognizing there will always be noise and distractions, but I must be ready to unplug as often as I can and fill that regained time with prayer and silence. Seek the intercession of Our Blessed Mother.”
–Randy Hain, business executive Atlanta, GA, author of The Catholic Briefcase, husband, father of two boys
“When I find myself in a funk, I try to actively do something for someone else: pray for them, lend a hand with a problem, or simply be a listening heart who hears their concerns. In these moments, I’m always reminded of the goodness of God’s love for me. Feeling sorry for yourself? Do something for someone else. A sure fire way to end a funk!”
–Lisa Hendey, founder of CatholicMom.com, author of The Handbook for Catholic Moms, wife, mother of two boys
“It seems we get into a funk because we load ourselves down with details and not living in the moment. It sounds cliché but living in the moment is very Catholic. When we live in the moment we are giving to God what he desires from us: trust, the trust that we will be provided for. Pray each day that the inspiration of God will encourage you, and do not depend so much on yourself for all the answers.”
–Fr. Joseph Hearty, FSSP, Our Lady of Mount Carmel Latin Rite Parish Littleton, CO
“Ask God for his help and advice. What is it that made you feel like a coward? Face up to this. What are you sad about? Look around, sit down with your family, and thank God that you are up every day and have your health. Bottom line: talk with God, find some upbeat people, and never give up on yourself.”
–Pete Zarlengo, 86, raised in Denver orphanage; father of seven, grandfather of 17, great-grandfather of five, foster father for many, sponsor for 46 children internationally
You may want to save this post (I know I will). Bookmark it, print it, keep it handy; you never know when you might need a little pick-me-up.
Julie Filby, wife and mother of two (ages 8 and 5), is a reporter for the Denver Catholic Register newspaper. She also enjoys blogging at Mother’s Musings about the simple ways Christ is unmistakably present in every-day family and work life. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter. She also contributes to CatholicMom.com and Catholic Lane.
Sunday mornings I brace myself, I know it’s coming. “I don’t wanna go to chuurrrch!!!” our four-year-old daughter wails.
Mom: Why don’t you want to go to church?
Vaughn: It’s bor-wing.
Mom: It’s a chance to visit Jesus at his house.
Vaughn: Well, I like Jesus {{pause}}. But I don’t wanna go to church!
I have to admit, there were times in my life when I felt the same way.
While Vaughn’s pre-Mass crabbiness is disheartening, there’s a silver lining: it reminds me how important it is for me, as a parent, to help her understand the significance and beauty of Mass. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says “parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray” (CCC no. 2226) and for Catholics there’s no greater prayer than the Mass.
Oh and she likes Jesus, we can build on that.
Part of the enlightenment process will include teaching her what Mass is not. It’s not a presentation put on by actors (e.g. priest, deacon, and choir) for an audience (the congregation). It’s not just a series of random words and calisthenics: stand, sing, sit, respond, kneel, repeat. It’s not an event we attend simply because the musical arrangements are nice or the priest’s jokes are funny. Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate those things but they’re icing on the liturgical cake, so to speak. (On the subject of sweets, I’m not above providing a doughnut after Mass for good behavior.)
Now, on to what Mass is. What I want to get across to Vaughn is that the most important thing about Mass is meeting Jesus! I want her to know how fortunate we are that the Eucharistic Lord comes to meet us each and every time we join in this celebration. He comes to feed us, strengthen us, get us through the nitty-gritty of the week–and ultimately to make us more like him. That’s an incredibly lucrative trade for one short hour of our time.
One way kids can begin to understand this encounter with Christ is by participating more actively in Mass. Last spring at Denver’s “Living the Catholic Faith Conference,” I attended a workshop called “Leading youngsters to full, conscious, and active participation in the Mass.” Here, Sr. Kathleen Harmon offered several ways to get kids involved. These suggestions can be incorporated any time after a child has graduated from the cry room or surpassed the need for a sippy cup, coloring book, or other diversion in the pew (accomplishments that vary from child-to-child based on age, maturity, and attention span):
–Tell them the parts of the Mass. Point out the four main parts of the liturgy and tell them to look for the Sign of the Cross, and the kiss, in each part. Ask them about something they’ve kissed (e.g. Mom, Dad, Grandma, a beloved Pillow Pet) and why.
–Print a copy of a Eucharistic Prayer (she suggested #2 since it’s shortest) and read through it together line-by-line (for as long as they can sit still) then discuss: What does holy mean? What does it mean to “send your Spirit and make us holy”? What are ways we can treat each other in a holy manner?
–Talk about the importance of looking at something (or someone) with reverence. Tell your child every time you look in their eyes it’s like Christ looking at Christ. Talk about what it means to look at someone in the eyes.
–Bless your children at night saying “I love you and you are the Body of Christ.” Teach them who they are and who you are.
–Point out the concluding rites “Go forth. The Mass is ended.” Why does Mass end by telling us to go forth?
When we go forth on Sundays and keep Jesus present in our daily lives, hopefully it will sink in how important these weekly visits are–not only for the hour we’re there but all week long. While I continue to try to get that concept across to a determined preschooler, I hope the Sunday when I don’t hear: “I don’t wanna go to church!” is coming sooner than later.
Julie Filby, mother of two (ages 7 and 4), is a reporter for the Denver Catholic Register newspaper.
